I can finally breath....

My last appointment was on September 30th and they couldn't hear the heartbeat. The doctors didn't seemed concerned as my dates could have been off. I on the other hand have been going crazy since then. I have been so paranoid and consumed with not hearing the heartbeat that I called Joe and finally told him what I was feeling. I didn't tell him for a few weeks because I didn't want him to worry. I am being seen on the Army base and Joe has no pull there so he called up the Pope clinic and asked if they had a Doppler machine. They did and said that I could come in to ease my fears. It was around the middle of October when I went to the clinic. The very nice lady brought me back to a room, laid me back and put the cold gel on my belly and began the search. She looked and looked and looked. Nothing.....she told me I could go to the E.R. but that they would not find it an emergency and that I would not be seen for a long time. I could also go to Fort Bragg and talk to my doctor there. I headed on over to Fort Bragg and nobody seemed concerned. They told me the same thing, go to the E.R. or sit and wait.

With all the miscarriages that I have witnessed in the past year I really began to worry. After having two healthy pregnancies how could I be so lucky to have a third. I then began to think that sometimes ignorance is bliss, there are so many things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. I have been following a few blogs that are about children with Trisomy 18. Here is just one of them. Click on her name and you can read a letter Audrey's mom wrote to her. When I was pregnant with Bryson I didn't think anything could go wrong. When I was 20 weeks along I went in for my ultrasound, but the only thing Joe and I were thinking about was if we were going to be buying pink or blue.

Buy the time Carter came around I knew about a few more things that could go wrong. When I found out that the clinic I was going to did not do ultrasounds I was upset. I can't remember now if it was for a lack of manning or funding but I was outraged. How would they know if my baby's kidneys and bladder were functioning right? How would they know if my baby need surgery in utero due to spina bifida.
Did you know that in some cases they can do surgery for an unborn baby if they find out in time. That sometimes this surgery can make all the difference. Our neighbor at the time was a radiology tech and I asked him if he could please talk to his buddy who did ultrasounds to see if he could squeeze me in. He was able to and luckily all was fine.

Now I know so much more, I wish I could go back to thinking that ultrasounds were just for finding out the sex of your child.

Back to my appointment today. The doctor comes in and asks how everything is...it took all I had to not start crying. She told me to lay back and once again the gel was poured on and the prodding began. I listened and waited and waited and waited, after about 2 minutes of her searching she says "We might need to order an ultrasound." She then pushes the button to make the bed lie completely flat and the search continues. She searches and searches and pushes harder on my belly. She is now pushing so hard its hurting, but I don't say a thing all I want to hear is my baby's heart. And then just like that I hear it....Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. She let me listen to it for about a minute and then she asks "Do you feel better?" I tear up and tell her absolutely. I ask how fast he/she is beating and it's a healthy 160. Then she says "You have a very active and stubborn baby." All I can do is smile.

It's been a long 5 weeks, but today, today was a good day.